September 12, 2012
All my conscious life — a brief awakening at two and a half while hearing about the horror of Hiroshima on the radio; another at seven with a sudden, inexplicable feeling of unity with all of creation as I walked down the street in summertime; full-on coming to consciousness at 26, with a near-death experience in the hospital — I’ve been attracted to taboo. To that which our culture holds so fiercely in denial that it carries a terrific charge which once released, powers regeneration.
And what is more terrifying to our youth-worshipping, death-defying culture than death, dying, grief, the process of facing, embracing and integrating overwhelming loss?
So yes, I find myself magnetized by these “depressing” subjects. In what most people hold at arms’-length, I sense the potency of transformation.
A few years ago, I collected the essays which I had written after my husband’s death in 2003 into an award-winning book, This Vast Being: A Voyage through Grief and Exaltation.
This section is dedicated to posts that honor further losses: Emma (2012), Dad (2012), My Fractured Wrist (2012), Mom (Lady Renee) (2014), and Sister Mary (2015).
Last year, in July, I suffered the sudden loss of Emma, my beloved little four-year-old Coton de Tulear dog. Emma, and wrote out my grieving process afterwards. Five posts in all, from July 6, to July 28. Here they are, in chronological order:
This summer, the long-anticipated process of losing beloved parents, both in their mid-90s, has finally begun. And with it, my process, as I learn how to let them go.
During three recent trips to Seattle, this blog ground to a halt, except for posts about my time there with the folks and our large family. Here they are: June, July, and August/September.
AUGUST/SEPTEMBER (8/28- 9/8)
I flew home two days ago. And continued to write these posts:
So here I am, once again dipping my toe into the ocean of grief, learning how to surf the waves. Each post that relates to The Grieving Time will be also archived on this page.
September 17, 2012: Uranus/Pluto Tales: of a sudden shift at night, insomniac
September 21, 2012: Uranus/Pluto Post-Dad: Reliving a pattern that binds
[On September 23, I fell and fractured my right wrist. On the sixth day I began to see this event as part of my grieving process and decided to call this subsection Fractured Wrist Chronicles.]
FRACTURED WRIST CHRONICLES
September 23, 2012: OOPS!
September 24, 2012: surgery today
September 27, 2012: WOW! Can move fingers without pain . . .
September 28, 2012: Fractured wrist chronicles, day six
September 29, 2012: Fractured Wrist Chronicles: Day Seven, victory and perspective
September 30, 2012: Fractured Wrist Chronicles: Day Eight, more victories and perspective
October 1, 2012: On Mining My Life for Meaning
October 3, 2012: Fractured Wrist Chronicles: Day Ten, doctor appointment
LADY RENEE’S FINAL JOURNEY
May 21, 2012: Lady Renee has arrived
May 21, 2012: Lady Renee continued: photo at airport
October 12, 2012: Post-Loss: In the middle of her sorrow, Lady Renee rebirths herself
October 9, 2013: Lady Renee drifts through her Jupiter Return, alive and well
October 8, 2013: Suddenly called to Baton Rouge to attend Lady Renee
October 14, 2013: “I want to see Ben, but not yet!”
August 7, 2014: Our Very Own Lady Renee, the Saga Continues
September 15, 2014: Lady Renee and Her Legacy
SISTER MARY’S FINAL PASSAGE
September 28, 2015: And how was YOUR rare perigee blood full Moon?
September 28, 2015: My world just shifted 180° again. Did YOURS?
September 29, 2015: Suddenly it appears that sister Mary decides to pass
September 29, 2015: Sister Mary’s death chart
September 30, 2015: Sister Mary’s death, day two: How I loved thee!