Fractured Wrist Chronicles: Day Seven, victory and perspective

Sister Marnie has just sent me this photo. Thanks, sis!

I push Mom on her new throne at Dad’s funeral On August 31st, at St. Monica’s Church, where Dad used to be a Deacon. Notice my new “funereal” clothes; didn’t want to “stick out” (didn’t want to embarrass Mom) so I went shopping at a cut-rate department store nearby, “Marshall’s”? Can’t remember. Sister Kristin told me about it. Her daughter Bridget picked out Mom’s get-up for the day. The family all agreed, that though there were around 250 people at this funeral, it was not for us, but for them, the parishioners, largely. We had been meeting and reminiscing and singing for five days straight. Mom was still ensconced in family love, her mourning process largely postponed. Isn’t that always the case? So hard to start processing loss when you need to, RIGHT AWAY. Instead, grabbed by the pageantry of the mysterious drama we call “death,” we are temporarily lifted up, in suspension. And yes, one might call my enforced “break,” of nearly a week ago, my body’s way of dragging me into the reality of the fact that my father has just vanished from our lives.

I notice that I’m having trouble keeping Dad’s Death separate from the Fractured Wrist Chronicles. Now I realize why. That conceptual difficulty mirrors the existential communion I’m still enjoying/enduring with Mom, since Dad died. I’ll get to that next. But irst . . .

Victory! Flossed teeth for the first time this morning. Also took puppy Shadow on a two-mile walk, and instead of easy to fix and eat smoothie, clumsily fixed and ate eggs and toast.

Meanwhile, the whole business of ascribing meaning to (seeing patterns in) this “accident” continues. Here’s what I got, so far:

If you’ll recall, Mom and I were alone when Dad left for World War II in 1943 when I was nine months old. He returned when I was two years and nine months old, in October 1945. Meanwhile, Marnie had been born.

As an astrologer, I’ve long noticed an aspect pattern that characterizes my intimate connection with Mom and Marnie — one shared by no one else in the family, including Dad. That is this: sacrificial Neptune, at my Midheaven (and raining down on all but one planet through aspects), is, at 2° Libra, closely conjunct Mom’s Sun and Marnie’s Moon.

And, again as an astrologer, I’ve noticed a potentially ominous pattern that links Mom and me (not shared by Marnie). And that is this: Mom has a very difficult fixed T-cross (two squares and an opposition) with Mars, Saturn and Uranus (the three most difficult planets), all between 19° and 26° of Scorpio, Aquarius, and Leo. I have my Moon at 23° of Taurus, the other fixed sign. Thus her T-cross, which functions like a bow with the arrow pointing toward the unoccupied sign, is targeted directly on my Moon.

Mom, with her Sun in harmony-seeking Libra, cannot tolerate knowing about this fighting/hostile/aggressive Mars/Saturn/Uranus signature inside her. So it’s buried in the unconscious, where it locks into my Moon.

Ever since Dad died, I’ve been down there in the unconscious with Mom, sunk into the place where we both lived when Dad left the first time, and I tried to entertain her, to keep her happy, so she would be able to mother me and not sink into depression. Of course, I failed.

As an astrologer, I’ve been looking ahead at various windows for Mom to leave this planet, knowing that, at least on a conscious level, she wants to. One of them was a few days ahead of her 94th birthday, September 25th. And, I thought, if she leaves then, it will be due to an “accident,” since that window is characterized by transit Mars triggering her disruptive Mars/Uranus/Saturn T-Cross.

So, guess what? Instead of an accident to Mom, I “took the fall,” just as I did for her during our original communion time!

The clincher? The day of my accident, the day I fractured my wrist, was also the day that the transit Sun, at 2° Libra, conjuncted, lit up, the original connection between Mom, Marnie and Me, via my Neptune. I was sacrificed!

Now add to this, something I discovered about myself in taking the fall:

We were on a path in the Brown County State Park woods last Sunday morning, my dear friend Perry and I, holding on to each other, walking side by side. Then we dropped our arms, and just then my right foot tripped on the root. Instead of self-correcting, something I normally do easily, due, I feel, to my taichi training, I “took the fall.” Instead of lurching in her direction, and knocking her body off the path, I went down, hard, on my right wrist.

On the one hand, I’m glad that my spontaneous response was to spare another from the consequences of what was happening to me. To be in service to others rather than in service to self, as we say.

On the other hand, I’m aware that this was a repeat pattern of my original drama with Mom. Perry as Mom, walking side by side with me, and I sacrificed (Neptune) myself for her.

It all makes that photo above, a bit more interesting, eh? And that it was Marnie who sent it to me. Aaaah . . .!

Meanwhile, Mom’s doing fine. She’s finally allowing that Mars/Saturn/Uranus signature to surface,  and exploring, for the first time in 94 years, her new status as an independent agent, all the while grieving the loss of Dad who, she now tells my brother-in-law John, “I can feel around me a lot of the time.”

I had told her, during that first week after Dad died and we were sleeping in the bed together so she wouldn’t be alone, that when my husband Jeff died, after awhile I began to feel, not only his presence, but something even more extraordinary. I was feeling myself immersed in a tremendous, sweet, thick energy field that I can only describe as that of LOVE. A love that holds and moves through everything, that connects everyone to everyone else, and the whole universe into one shimmering, vibrating field of energy.

“And,” I told her, “from that time on, I have felt connected and protected.”

“When you begin to feel Dad’s presence, when you begin to feel yourself inside this universal field of love that he will introduce to you,” I assured her, “that is when you will be able to move into the world on your own, because you will fell safe and protected, no matter what happens.”

So grateful!

Here’s Mom, with Kris, enjoying her birthday milkshake. Most of the sibs will gather with Mom at Marnie’s house next weekend to celebrate.

About Ann Kreilkamp

I'm a Ph.D. philosopher, author, magazine founder and editor, and consulting astrologer who took the Permaculture Design Course in 2007. In 2009 I deepened my committment to both "above" and "below" by starting to attend UFO conferences and founding a neighborhood permaculture garden (ganggarden.wordpress.com). See www.tendrepress.com for bio, etc.
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9 Responses to Fractured Wrist Chronicles: Day Seven, victory and perspective

  1. “So, guess what? Instead of an accident to Mom, I “took the fall,” just as I did for her during our original communion time!”

    Whoooooaaaaaaa! Wild to make all these connections! Cool, but intense. Thanks for writing this all out — it is fascinating to see how interconnected everything is such as our relationships and the things that happen over the course of time and as they are tied into the cosmos. Incredible.

    I’m glad you are healing as well as you are!
    Calliope

    • Glad you grok this post, Calliope. I wonder how many will. It assumes multiple time lines and time/space nodes over great distances, as you recognize. This kind of multidimensional analysis is what any serious student of astrology learns, and I am so grateful that I found this ancient, mysterious, symbolic language when I really needed it, back in 1974!

      • Yes indeed, I grokked it! :) At least the principles behind it and seeing the symbolic connections… I think that I have been a little too nervous about delving into my own timelines with this detail in terms of the astrology and so on (I think I am a little nervous at how things will coordinate a little TOO much, haha!), but in these last years, I recognize the multidimensionality of this current experience that I am having. Right now, I am re-experiencing and weaving in a timeline from four years ago, in a very parallel fashion. I have had this sense of time looping and certain experiences repeating again and again since first becoming aware of the timelines and nodes about five years ago, when I first recognized experiencing them. I envision it as a spiral, moving upwards, and each time I loop around the same point, it is the same issues that come up, only from a slightly different vantage point. Sometimes I can see it in a very fractal way, too, with overlapping branches.

        It’s interesting to me as I am coming up on a window that has repeatedly over the past six years been a *very* intense period, with certain catalysts and events happening on the exact day, again and again. It’s coming up — October 6/7. Next weekend! I know that this is when the Saturn moves into Scorpio, so I am trying to hold on to my hat and buckle myself in, lol.

        I have always wanted to delve deeper into astrology, but it has not seemed to line up yet for me to do that. But my mind works in symbolic ways, and looking for the patterns to analyze, so I do have that, as well as the practical experience of timeline weaving/integration.

        Looks like typing is getting better and better for you. Here’s to continued healing, Ann.
        Calliope

        (P.S. I will quietly post it here, but my real name is Karin. I always feel *compelled* on your site to type my real name first, rather than the nom de plume. I’m happy to do it here. :) There is such integrity that is exuded from this place, so I have to line up with that!)

      • Karin!

        So . . . what astro patterns in your chart repeat every six years? At least check out Jupiter, either conjuncting or opposing itself, since it’s cycle is 12 years.

        And yes, spiralling, both up and down, simultaneously. And each time we repeat a pattern, and see it, it is experienced in a lighter way, until ultimately, we are just playing inside this continuously changing rich fractal patterning of time/space nodes. For example, here, with my wrist. A big deal (in that it hurts, it’s of the body, healing timeline uncertain, it slows me down, etc.) and yet not (it’s fascinating to experience something brand new, which this is, in the 3D world, to watch myself work with it, on all these levels, not to mention looking for the patterns to which it points).

        I didn’t ever mention that the “accident” itself happened — of course! — during a four-minute window when transit Mars (triggering my Moon and Mom’s Mars/Saturn Uranus) crossed over the quickly moving Ascendant. I knew ahead of setting up the chart that transit Mars would be crossing over one of the four angles of the chart, since that’s when manifestation occurs. BINGO.

  2. “I didn’t ever mention that the “accident” itself happened — of course! — during a four-minute window when transit Mars (triggering my Moon and Mom’s Mars/Saturn Uranus) crossed over the quickly moving Ascendant. “ LOLOL. Bazinga!! Wow. A *four-minute* window. That is amazing!

    As for the October 6/7 dates, the events happened in 2006, 2007 — seems like between 2008-2011 it has been relatively quiet, but I would have to check journals and so on to confirm. I feel like there were “ripples” that I experienced at that time, aftershocks of a sort. Because I am repeating certain timelines (actually, both fall of 2007 and 2008 when I think about it), I keep thinking this period will be significant again, maybe on a more external level than internal one, but could be either. Anyway, the Autumn Equinox seems to open something up for me, lots of intensity this time of year, and it keeps going until the Winter Solstice, which then is usually very, very much an inward period for me, as it is for many. It’s gotten intensely inward as we have moved closer to this year, though. Winter, close to the dates around Epiphany, interestingly enough, usually has some great epiphanies, lol. Sometimes intense ones!

    It would really be good for me to get a good book or resource on chart interpretation.** I have never had my entire chart read by anyone, just done the online thing where one can get snippets. And I have had input from a couple of people on certain aspects. I know what goes on in broad strokes, but not in such detail as you have. I know there are years of working with this language for you, so the detail is there! For me, the broad strokes have worked enough so far, as well as delving into the symbolism of Tarot. I tend to take a really narrative approach to life, and Tarot is perfect for examining things in a narrative fashion. But for sure the rhythms of the seasons, the meaningfulness of how we still connect with ancient pagan ritual holidays, etc. really speaks to me, and I am certain there is a tie-in with my chart. Dates and times are very significant to me in constructing the narrative of what it is that I am doing here. :) So it would be interesting to take it further with the courses of the cosmos in my life.

    ** Any suggestions?

    Thanks, Ann.
    ♥ K

    • I do read charts for people once in a blue moon. Would be happy to exchange an reading via Skype for a tarot reading from you, if that would work. Meanwhile, keep track with the ephemeris of significant events, plus read stuff as it falls in your lap. Plus, look up dates in the ephemeris from the past when they held significant events. You’ll begin to see the patterns that way.

      I can’t recommend any particular author; there are lots of good ones, each in his/her own area.

      “Four minute window”: because the Ascendant moves one degree every four minutes.

      • Plus, look up dates in the ephemeris from the past when they held significant events. You’ll begin to see the patterns that way.

        Ooooh, this is a very good idea, and connects with how I often come upon things organically from a bottom-up approach. Nice idea! I think I will try this out.

        This is also a very nice way to go about things! “read stuff as it falls in your lap.” I will keep my eyes and ears open!

        As for exchanging a reading, I had to leave my cards in France when I left there July 31. I just remembered this. :( *sigh* So I either have to break in a new set of cards, or see if my husband can mail them to me. If I can remember which box I put them in… It has also been a while since I have worked with the cards, so I am rusty. But, if that changes, I will let you know. As it is, I love the idea of taking this seed and seeing where it grows in its own way and time! Could be a very interesting project to keep me busy for a while, so I will see what falls in my lap! This could be fun. :)

  3. I love to see you putting your astrological knowledge to working on your own behalf and at the same time demonstrating how what ever knowledge we possess can be put to work to solve whatever challenges we face. It’s Super-Organic!

  4. P.S. You are and incredible one handed typist, and an incurable computer addict! I totally understand your addiction!

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